Crown Prince Of Poor Timing

Exhibit A: Crown Prince Of Poor Timing.

It’s February 1968 -You Live In L.A. – You’re A Teenager – You’re Hovering Around The Eleventh Grade -Your Love Life Is One Bungled Attempt After Another.

Crown Prince Of Poor Timing
Exhibit A: Crown Prince Of Poor Timing.

– February 10, 1968 – KFWB – Dave Diamond – his last show –

You know the feeling – the one where your stomach falls down whole flights of stairs. The one where you wish Ban made Spray-On Invisible because that is what you’d like to be right this second.

The dreaded words “I like you a lot” and your fervent wish to stop time and roll it back for just one lousy minute; right before the part where you asked for her phone number. You would like nothing better than to pretend that verbal lunacy never happened. Forget the whole thing – make you and your feelings quietly go away.

But you didn’t, and now you brace yourself for the next helping of inevitable – the part that starts; “you’re a really nice guy . . .”

It wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t hear it so often – “. . . but” is becoming your mantra – you hear it everywhere. You’re convinced someone’s going to put it on your gravestone – every photo there will ever be of you will have the caption “a really nice guy” in big block letters. You feel like a door prize or a stuffed animal.

You don’t want to be a “really nice guy” – you want to be insane, dangerous – you want women to look at you and start shaking. You want them to demand your phone number. You don’t want to be one of the “nice” people. You’re serious – life is serious – you’re this pot of simmering feelings and you want, just once, for someone to look at you and not go quietly vacant when you breathe.

You and every guy in every class you’re in. You’re all sad, you’re all insane – you’re all horny and you’re convinced there’s something completely wrong with you. You all cringe ever time your hear “Somebody to Love” by Jefferson Airplane – they wrote the song about all of you and it shows.

It will never change – it will never get any better – it will always start off as a good idea and it always hopes somewhere there’s a “maybe” attached.

And you do it all over again in a day or two because you never know who is going to break into a smile – who is just as insane as you are.

And while you’re waiting – here’s a slice of February 1968, exactly as it was, the last time you’d hear Dave Diamond on KFWB.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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