It ain’t your life – you can feel it in your bloodstream.
Maybe they should stuff you and put you in a museum marked: Extinct Breed – Hopeless Romantic.
You’re just one of those guys – you can’t help it – you’re nice. You aren’t a creep – you’re a listener. You like listening – especially girls.
The girls in your class don’t like that – they like disturbed. They like the guys with nicotine stains and red eyes. Guys with a five day growth and detention. Guys who are absent more than around. Guys who say “maybe” and never mean a word.
“You’re a nice guy . . . and I like you a lot . . . .but . . .”
It always starts that way – and it always ends that way. You can tell within fifty feet – this relationship won’t go past noon.
You’re just weird.
Okay – so you’ve been going steady for the better part of the semester – so you’re a cheapskate – so you don’t ever want to go to the movies – so you haven’t taken her out to so much as a McDonalds since you met – she’s never met your parents – all you want to do is sit in front of your stereo and listen to records – you hate her taste in music – you’re terrible at writing letters – you’re flunking English. You’re not as romantic as you think you are.
Still – she broke up with you. Because you’re a dummy – you’re thick as a block of wood – you like the idea of being in love but you aren’t actually any good at it. You make sensational first impressions but after that, it’s downhill.
So of course she handed you a note – and the last one handed you a note – and the one before that and the one before that. You have a file cabinet full of notes and they all say the same thing – you’re an idiot.
You’re so much better when you feel sorry for yourself – twenty-four hour pity party. Reality ain’t your strong suit.
No wonder.
Somebody you’ll get it – if you live that long.
In the meantime just hide.
And listen to KMET – Jim Ladd will explain it all to you.
