Simple – water off a duck’s back – piece of cake – no big deal. That’s what you said – that’s what you told everybody.
In high school you were voted “most likely to succeed” – three years running. You were Willy Loman – You were George Antrobus – You were Romeo – You were MacBeth. You were a Drama Major – Theatre was in your blood.
Everybody said you were going places – your Drama teacher told new students to be just like you.
When you graduated it was a day of mourning – even the Principal was sorry to see you go.
Next stop; agent. You had it planned – Movies – TV – a series named after you – a Trousdale mansion – a fan club – you saw your future and it was crummy with sunshine.
Agents stared – agents grinned – agents gave stink-eye – Six months – Couldn’t get arrested. Went on auditions – full of other “most likely to succeeds” – million dollar smiles – all had plans – all had visions – all waiting for the lucky break.
Spent a fortune on head shots – couldn’t hold a job for more than a week.
Late on rent. Job Number 20 – Messenger – delivering bum tidings and lawsuits – envelopes and boxes with ribbons and smiley faces – wearing a dayglo company shirt – pushed around by reception – yelled at by attendants.
Saw your ex in line at a midnight movie – she doesn’t hate you anymore – small talk – cordial – asks about your life – tell her you’re working on a pilot – she nods – she knows – make plans for someday – exchange phone numbers – wonder why you broke up.
Spot a flyer – Actors Wanted – good pay – short hours – adlib – must be people-oriented – comedy. Perfect.
Pass audition – flying colors – guy who hires you says a lot of famous actors started just like you – points to an autographed photo of Mark Hamill – tells you he did what you’re about to do just before Star Wars. He winks.
Costume weighs a ton – no makeup but you sweat gallons – no lines but your character is Goofy – no, really – Goofy.
Run into your ex near Tomorrowland – her boyfriend and unidentified kid – you do your best – they laugh – you laugh – kid squeezes your nose – nobody suspects – you wonder.
Commute is one hour each direction – radio set on blast. You think about Luke Skywalker – you shrug.
Life is something – could be worse.
Here is an hour’s worth of KROQ – from April 2, 1979 with the inimitable Mike Rophone holding court with Fee Waybill of The Tubes.
