You have these friends – they mean well – they hate seeing you wander aimlessly through life – they’re all in relationships, you’re not. They feel badly for you – of course, they never asked how you felt about the situation – they just decided to do something about it and not tell you.

You’ve heard about blind dates – the idea didn’t appeal. You had this imagination – it wasn’t on speaking terms with your reality. You’ve tried – you’ve been on them – they don’t work. Last one was a disaster. Your friend had tickets to see The Clash at The Palladium – he had an extra. He got it in his head you needed a date – he found one; Express line Check Out Cashier at Ralph’s.

You met – instant oil and water – everything she did and said bothered the crap out of you. Everything you said and did bothered the crap out of her. She disappeared halfway through the concert – never saw her again. Rumor she met friends, hung out with them and got a ride home.

You swore you’d never do that again. There was more to life than getting laid and at the rate you were going, that was never going to happen again either.

So after a week of hounding and being badgered to death with promises that she was “right up your street” along with glowing recommendations from your friend’s girlfriend who had known her since Kindergarten and personally knew her to be a “complete doll”, you found yourself worn down into nodding your head and barking yes – but with a proviso; if it didn’t work out, no matter what, you reserved the right to leave at any time and not come back or even give an explanation why.

Fair enough.

The Big Night. Still – the anticipation – no matter what, it happens all the time. Trying to be cool while hiding a pocket full of breath mints. Wondering if you changed your socks. Secretly hoping you’re going to run smack into the love of your life and the only way you’ll be separated is by crowbar. You’re getting tingly. You’re getting excited.

You get so wrapped up in fantasizing the much anticipated events of the evening that you don’t notice your friend has pulled into a Ralph’s Parking lot. He gets out of the car with his girlfriend and they motion for you to join them – she’s just getting off work.

A small alarm goes off in your head – things seem a little too familiar. Reality comes crashing down with a thud as you come face to face with the girl from the ill-fated Clash concert. Horror and dread play a game of tag on both your faces.

She looks disappointed – you look like someone took the air out of your tires. Once again The Blind date has let you down. You make good on your promise, even though you were looking forward to seeing AC/DC at the Forum.

Instead, you walk home. You probably could have faked it for at least two hours in order to see AC/DC – you didn’t have to talk to each other. Could have ignored her the whole time – it was about the music anyway. You’ve got to stop with those proviso’s.

You trudge through the front door. Your mom stops you in the hallway on your way to your room. She informs you “some girl” had been calling you every half hour from a phone booth.

You shrug your shoulders as you amble into your room – shut the door and flick on your stereo. The room fills with KOST-FM, enough to drown out your bonehead brain.

You and blind dates – there has to be a law someplace.

Here’s an hour and 17 minutes worth of MC Kelly from KOST-FM in October 1985.